well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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