you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
