I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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