Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I didn't notice because vodka
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
