Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
