Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
