You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my being single is dangerous.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
