good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
