I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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