Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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