i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
