Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
