My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
