i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
