Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
