do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I lost the right to judge tonight
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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