Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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