Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
