It's Friday. Sex?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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