Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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