I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
