God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
