this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
