there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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