Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
