Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
