i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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