Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Drunk is a universal language darling
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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