remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
