if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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