Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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