I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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