my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
