I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
