I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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