He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
