This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
