I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
