How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
