The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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