So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
