I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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