i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
