My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
