At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
