How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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