i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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