One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
