Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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