I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
