This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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