found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Randomize
