You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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